letter 2

When Did We Decide Twenty Meant Everything?

In our twenties, we tend to believe that we are meant to have our lives together. Especially in this generation, identity means everything. We grew up watching movies that showed us that by our twenties, we should know exactly who we are, have a high-paying job, own a house, drive an expensive car, and be in a relationship headed toward marriage. We were shown a life filled with endless vacations and financial stability.

I turned twenty about a month ago, and I can confidently say that

I am just beginning to figure out who I am. I do not even know what my

favourite colour is. Some days it is green, other days it is brown, and some

days it is both. There are days when I think my younger self would be

disappointed in who I am becoming, because I am nowhere near as prepared as I

thought I would be at this stage of life. However, there are some things you do

not understand until it is your time to live that part of life.

When I was thirteen, I believed that by the time I turned twenty,

I would be incredibly rich, with all the money in the world to do whatever I

wanted. I believed I would have my own fully furnished apartment and a rich

boyfriend who would fly me everywhere. To be honest, I do not have any of those

things. But I can tell you what I do have.

I have a community. I have my family. I have a degree on the way.

I have better clarity about who I am and who I want to be in life. I have joy,

and yes, I do have a job. I am definitely not rich, but at least I am happy.

That is one thing the thirteen-year-old version of myself completely forgot to

include in my plans for when I turned twenty. The most important thing of all:

joy.

Now, I wake up and feel accomplished if I know what I am going to

eat for breakfast, or if it is easy to find an outfit to wear that morning. I

am nowhere near thinking about what type of house I want to build or what kind

of expensive cars I want to drive. I do not even have the money to think about

the kinds of vacations I want to take, and let us not even get started on

relationships right now. We will leave that for another post.

Some people are in their twenties and already have these things,

and that is good for them. Another part of growing up, though, is realising

that no two people have the same path in life, no matter how hard you wish for

it.

I used to ask myself, if no one was watching, who would I allow

myself to become? Now, I ask a different question. Despite everyone watching,

who do I want to be? Whatever the answer is, that is who I work toward, even if

not everyone understands that person. As long as I know, that is enough. As

long as I can live my life with joy, that is enough.

I have come to realise that maybe identity is not something we

find all at once. Maybe it is something we collect, slowly, as we grow into

ourselves.